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Don't Make A Move
Without Knowing Your Options

Newark Family And Estate Law Blog

No matter how amicable the divorce is, the process is usually difficult on everybody involved, including the children. Many conscientious parents worry about the potentially deleterious effects that divorce can have on the kids. Fortunately, there are a multitude of ways to mitigate the negative effects.

Experimenting with alternative living situations is one such way to help your children adjust to divorce. According to Psychology Today, one of these living arrangements is nesting.

How does it work?

In the typical post-divorce co-parenting situation, the parents set up separate households. The children then move between these households according to the custody schedule.

Nesting is the opposite of this. Rather than the children doing the moving, the parents do it. Nesting involves the children living in a family home 100% of the time, and the parents are the ones who move according to the schedule.

Is it right for us?

Particularly if you choose to nest in your current family home, nesting can provide a high level of stability for your children. They do not need to move, and they will be able to continue going to their current school. In the event that you live in a high cost of living area, you may find that nesting is the only realistic way to keep your children in the same school district.

Nesting requires a high amount of communication between the co-parents to make it work. After all, you will still be maintaining a joint family home, which means managing bills and repairs. If you and your ex-spouse are not on good terms, it is unlikely you will be able to make a nesting situation work.

If you are a parent who became the victim of parental alienation, you may not know what to do next. How can you stop the impact your former spouse has on your children? If your children already display signs of hostility towards you, it may feel like facing down a losing battle.

According to PsychCentral, parental alienation works when there is manipulation and pressure present. You can counteract it by creating the opposite environment.

Act patiently with your children

Patience is important. Your children may take time to warm up to you again. Do your best to let your children come to you. You can offer empathy and love, but do not bad-talk your former spouse. Your job is to act like an adult and provide unconditional love in the meantime.

Listen to your children’s concerns

Children need to be able to vent. Create a safe space for your children to express their opinions and emotions. You should listen with no judgment, question or emotional reaction. You do not want to interrupt your children or make them feel like they may suffer punishment for their words.

Interact positively with your children

You should have times of structured and unstructured play with your children. Try to participate in the play, but allow your children to take the reigns. When they are in the alienator’s home, they have little control. At your house, you should allow your children to choose the game, play it and how long you will play for.

Try to keep all drama to a minimum around your children. Give them a safe space in your home where they can heal and recover from the alienator’s behavior.